theBreeze

From: fxatill.net
To: lindabookatill2.net
Date: Thu, 10 May 2001 12:29:15 GMT
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Dear Linda,

I took all of your words to heart, and really appreciate your patience, and your thoughts.

Linda, is it a wee bit possible that you are divided into a couple of parts in the emotional department? A part of you scarred from the past, suspicious? And the present you, optimistic, in love? We all have pasts, including me. I don't live there. It's literally an unsealing of a tomb for me to have to go back and review it.

Questioning seems to be at the very core of your existence. Once the questions have been answered, it seems that you then sift through them over for a time. This leads to unconfirmed suppositions, requiring further clarification, further questions. True or false, this is my perception of you. I further presumed that this inquiry cycle would nicely conclude once you understood the facts. I indulged this 'inquisition' (written and thought of with a smile) knowing full well that the history of me is not so horrible. I went a step further, and volunteered answers to questions not yet asked, in an attempt to be done with the review of the past. I believed that once satisfied, once you saw all the pieces, and how they fit together, we could get on with the present. I ran short of patience somewhere in the beginning of the suppositions phase of the third review cycle.

From your observations of your past relations, the usual remedy that you have employed is to simply shut down the questioning. 'I stopped asking? I kept quiet. ' I trust you know better than I the results of this. This unnatural restraint of your self is unfair to you. One cannot simply turn off a part of the self, and not expect something else to replace it. The energy has to go somewhere. This is true of all things turned off.

For my part, I am sad to realize that I cannot supply you with enough of what you require in way of esteem support, patience, empathy. As you most correctly observed, my makeup is too much intellect, not enough emotions. And so I have not yet seen a real, enduring solution that meets both our needs.

Frank

I received this jem from Rich. As he handed it to me he said, "Jerry gave this to me. Somehow, I think it's more appropiate for you."

Right....

20 July - Recent developments have caused me to expand the criteria, adding "not in a witness protection program", and the girl of my dreams might perhaps have a name like "Darla".